Well, we found out on November 22, 2008 that we will be having a baby girl. Her name will be Molly Jane. It isn't up for debate, and if you have anything negative to say about it, write it on a piece of paper, fold it up nicely and shove it up your butt.
Sorry, I'm feeling a bit upset today. I keep thinking of how soon Molly will be here, but just as soon as excitement sets in, it turns to fear and sadness because I know that just as soon as she gets here, my husband will be leaving to go to Afghanistan. I have so many mixed feelings. So many questions that I feel like are going to remain unanswered. I wish that we were closer to one of our families so that I will be able to have some kind of support. My heart aches constantly. I want to be able to celebrate and be excited about having a little girl to love for the rest of my life, but I feel myself slowly slipping into a depression. I lay awake at night with a million thoughts running through my head with nobody to talk to about them. I don't want to talk to Matthew about it because I'm sure that just as much as I'm hurting he is too. I just want to know that everything will be ok and that our fairytale will remain just that. I don't know how to walk into this unknown land of motherhood without the support of my husband. He is my rock. He is the only thing that makes me feel strong. Will I make the right choices for our daughter? How will I take care of her, myself, the house and 4 dogs at the same time? When will I have time to relax? How often will I be able to talk to Matthew? Who will dry my tears on sleepless nights? (As I sit here crying, I think I've got an answer for that one. Stoney comes to me everytime he hears me cry and sits with me until I'm finished.) This is just the beginning of the long list of questions that I have that weigh heavy on my heart. Where do I go from here? What do I do? Everytime I look down at my growing belly, I feel this way again... I'm scared.
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2 comments:
You will be a super mom and I do know this. You can always count on me my child and I know that Mrs. Mary feels the same way. If I have to sale cans to get to you at least once a month, so be it! Matthew is your rock but you also have to realize you are his. What you will be during his time away is his "reason" Sister. I know in my heart that there is nothing you cant do when you put your mind to it. Your genetic make up is of that. You have made some very good decisions in your life, just look who is giving you what you always drempt of, (Molly Jane) its just meant to be. You can call me night or day and I will cry with you or laugh if thats what you need. But please dont try to keep all of your questions, pains and fears from Matthew, he needs to be aware of them so that there is a mutual understanding and strengthening together. Remeber what you said to me in my card, "If it was you and me against the world... I would bet on us." I believe that as well and I believe that about you and anyone you choose to have in your life. You have a special "God given" strength Sister, you should share it with Matthew and you will find that if its you and him against the world... I would definitely bet on you every time! Thats not saying its a weakness of the other person by no means, just an obvious strength of yours. I love you more than anything in the whole world Sister and of all the people in my life, you are my hero... Thank you for that!
XOXOXOXOXO
Mom
Hi,
You don't know me, but I found your blog via your post on themommyplaybook.com. I can't imagine what you are going through! I cried just reading this post! I just wanted to give you some encouraging words. I don't know if you are a Christian, but just remember that God is always there for you. No matter what you feel or who's not there to listen--He's always there for you. A verse comes to mind when I think of your situation. Isaiah 40:31 "Those who hope in the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like Eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not be faint." Just keep your head up and if you ever need someone, you can always email me. I'll be praying for you and your hubby and your new little family. God Bless you and keep you.
Sincerely,
Lacritia Futral
hoping4amiracle2009 (that's my name on www.themommyplaybook.com)
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