Lately...

I've been thinking about writing about my life. All about me from beginning up until now and beyond... I think it would make an interesting story. Probably best seller material. But I don't think I'd ever publish it. I would probably make a whole lot of people angry, probably confuse even more and have some people who really end up hating me... because I would tell it all. Every detail, every secret, everything. I'd probably change names though. Then if those people figured out it was them that I was talking about, they could be pissed off in private. I don't know. Maybe I'm not even thinking straight. It is 4 in the morning here and I've been up since 2. These are the thoughts that crowd my mind and keep me awake. Wonderful.

Anyhow, life is going okay except for the fact that my husband is away from me and our daughter for a complete year. I hate that more than anything in the world. My heart shatters everytime I see him on the webcam staring at her with eyes full of love. I know it hurts him. He even said, "I wish I could just pick her up. It seems like she's right across the room from me..." God I hated hearing that. It broke my heart all over again. I can't wait for him to get home. I wish he wasn't missing all of the things that I'm getting to experience with Molly. Every grunt, every sigh, every yawn, every squeeze from her little hand, and yes... every dirty diaper. I just want to hand her to him so that he can smell how sweet she smells and he can feel how soft she is and he can give her kisses all over her little face like I get to. It isn't fair.

Molly is doing well though. She is getting so strong. I can't believe she's been on this wretched planet for a whole month now. She lifts her head up and stares at everything with such curiosity. I can't wait for her to start playing with toys, and laughing, and crawling and everything else that she's going to do! But I know I shouldn't wish this time away because it won't last long.

Anyhow... I'll make sure that I post here more often. I've been away too long. I'm sorry blog. I'll be better. I promise.